The Tale of Isis and Osiris
Dedicated to the Hellenistic God Monty Python
This is a transcript of a chat-lounge where I often play, which is NOT geared towards the ancient world. I was obviously in a silly mood that day.
One fine evening in the GarouMUSH lounge...
Salem has arrived.
Cyrano throats Salem and cuts his body into seventeen pieces, scattering them all up and down the valley.
Sepdet eyes Cyrano. "I am NOT going to make a fake penis, you twit."
Rorschach eyes Sepdet.
Salem blinks and actually got the reference.
Nemo . o O ( That year of Ancient Egyptian Myth comes in handy at the oddest times.... )
Rorschach eyes Sepdet. "You realise, of course, that asking me NOT to ask, is going to force me to ask."
You say "Rory. Egyptian Religion 101:
Dismemberment of Osiris. Set wants the throne and sticks his brother Osiris in a box and mails him to Saddam Hussein, who wasn't even alive in those days so the parcel got stuck in some back closet in the palace of a random mythical Mesopotamian king. Isis uses magic to track down the lost package, which is the only way to find things lost by the postal service, and brings the body home."
You say "So Set rips up the body. Isis gets the bright idea of slapping Mr. O. back together with crazyglue. Unfortunately she's missing a piece, which got et by her pet goldfish that had a really twisted taste in bodyparts. Isis was rather handy, however, and rigged up a replacement part by magic. She somehow managed to beget an offspring by Osiris even though by this time he was dead, and, I imagine, was getting quite ripe (fertility god, and all)."
Rorschach aie. Handy that, Seppie.
You say "And so Osiris' son Horus was heir to the throne of Egypt--so Isis claimed on the tax returns--and Set, Osiris' brother, was thwarted in his ambitions and had to go back to a burger joint and flip crocodile patties. Me, I always figgered Anubis was really the kid's dad."
Salem scratches her head. "It all seems so much clearer now."
Sepdet won't even talk about the time Ra got cranky and so his daughter Hathor went into his tent and flashed him, or the time Thoth gambled with the moon until he'd stole half his month's light away, or the time they got Sekhmet roaring drunk on beer and mud. It's a weird religion.
Sepdet shuts up now, spam quota fulfilled for the evening.